Feb 04 2018 . 6 min read

Sending Smoke Signals

Sending Smoke Signals

A romantic roadmap for creating a sensual evening with your partner

A romantic roadmap for creating a sensual evening with your partner

By Ashley Manta

If you walk into any store in February, you might think Valentine’s Day is nothing more than an explosion of red decorations, boxes of chocolate, and candy hearts. Restaurants are booked weeks (sometimes months) in advance, Hallmark makes their sales goal for the entire quarter, and jewelry stores bombard social media with ads. For people who are coupled at this time of year, there’s often a great deal of pressure to achieve some ideal of perfection in romance. At its core, however, Valentine’s Day is about celebrating connection. If you can let go of the trappings of the holiday and embrace that value, you’ll find much greater satisfaction and intimacy. 

It can feel overwhelming to attempt to plan a romantic evening from scratch, so here is a roadmap to creating (or co-creating) a lovely, sensual evening with your partner using cannabis as one of the connection tools.

To begin, figure out if you are planning this together or as an experience where one person choreographs and executes the whole evening for the other person’s enjoyment. Planning together is fun because you can both add in facets that resonate with your interests, but doing it as a surprise for the other partner can be a powerful way to demonstrate care and thoughtfulness. 

A word of advice--especially if you’re doing this as a surprise for your partner--don’t make sex your goal. This isn’t about getting laid, and if your partner gets the impression that this is just some elaborate scheme to get in their pants, it might feel transactional rather than romantic. Rest assured you’re putting a deposit in the karma bank that will undoubtedly serve you in the future, but put the focus of the evening on sensuality rather than sexuality. It can still be erotic without a climax. (On the other hand, if you are both ready to rip each other’s clothes off by the end of the evening, by all means go for it. Just make sure you’re both a “hell yes!”)

The importance of set and setting cannot be overstated. Let’s start with setting. If you have kids, make sure they have a babysitter for at least two hours, preferably closer to five hours. If you don’t have kids, just make sure you have that time set aside where your phone is on “do not disturb” and you won’t be interrupted by roommates or visitors. If you’re gaping at that time bracket wondering how you’re going to fill it, don’t worry, we’ll get there. Make sure your home is tidy--pick up the laundry from the floor, put clean (soft!) sheets on the bed, and wipe down the bathroom. Prepare your cannabis supplies so that they’re readily available. 

Choose your cannabis products based on what you each need (and don’t feel like you both have to use the same cannabis products or methods of consumption). If one partner is a total newbie or has low tolerance, stick to topicals or high CBD products since they don’t have psychoactive effects. If one partner finds that stress often holds them back from being present, choose a product or strain that will help them feel relaxed. If one partner has pain (chronic or acute), focus on products that will help manage pain so your partner can focus on pleasurable sensations.

If you’re doing the planning and executing, think about what kind of things your partner likes for each of the five senses. Do they have a favorite scent that you wear? Do they like essential oils? The smell of a certain flower? Incense? Are they chemically sensitive and any scent will give them a migraine? If that last one is the case, maybe skip the scent element. Choose music that is mood enhancing. Depending on their tastes, that might be EDM or quiet piano or R&B or spa music. Bonus points: Make a special playlist of songs that are special to them or your relationship. 

Draw a bath for your partner and add Epsom salts or an infused bath soak or bath bomb. You’ll want to make sure they soak for at least 15 minutes for full effects--the best part is even with infused products it’ll relax them without getting them high. While they’re soaking and listening to music, set up the room: have some yummy food on a plate to nibble on that will delight their taste buds--perhaps chocolate or berries. Light candles and place them around the space. Get some melted coconut oil or infused massage oil and have it nearby. If you really want to impress them, get a WARM Touch device--it’s an automatic oil dispenser and warmer so all you have to do is place your hand under the spout and it will apportion deliciously warmed oil directly into your palm (see page 20). This is a gamechanger for massages. 

When they get out of the tub, bring them a soft fluffy towel to dry off then lead them into the bedroom. If you’re smoking, have a joint, blunt, or bowl prepared. If they’re a yes, take a small hit and shotgun the hit into your partner’s mouth, then kiss them. Remember, less is more. This isn’t about getting stoned off your gourd. Look into their eyes and smile, then invite them to lay down on the bed for a massage. Add a blindfold if they’re willing. Start at their feet (unless they’re ticklish, then start at their ankles). Take your time. Go slowly. Check in regularly, asking, “How is that feeling for you?” “Would you like more pressure, less pressure, or the same?” “Are there any spots that need extra attention?”

Once they’re thoroughly massaged, bring over that plate of yummy food. Let them inhale the aroma, tell them how wonderful it’s going to taste as the flavors explode on their tongue. Trace the morsel over their lips and tease them a bit before you finally let them have it. Then take off the blindfold and gaze into their eyes again. Tell them what you appreciate about them, their body, your relationship. Share the ways they bring joy to your life. Then, look into their eyes and kiss them again, slowly. 

Blow out the candles and fall asleep snuggled in each other’s arms. 

Even if you only incorporate a few of these suggestions, consciously creating a sensual experience for you partner is a powerful way to deepen intimacy. Don’t just save these tips for Valentine’s Day--think of ways to do this 365 days a year. Your relationship will be stronger for it.